Friday Fanfic

Buffy the Dragon Slayer

(An obvious continuation of last week's story.)

Chapter Four

Part One

"Welcome to the Violet Moon," said the one-eyed innkeeper as Sir Roderick, Buffy and Laurel entered the local inn. "My name is Leandro Harris and this is my wife Anastasia. I hope you all enjoy your stay in my fine establishment as long as you're in town."

"And feel free to hunt most of the local wildlife while you're here," said Anastasia, a short blonde-haired girl who was just a shade taller than Buffy. "Especially the local rabbits."

"Er, Ana," said Leandro. "We talked about this. Not every guest we get is here to hunt rabbits."

"But they should be," said Anastasia. "Those rabbits are becoming quite a menace. I mean, it's not like they're so cute like everybody supposes. They got those hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots? Why do they need such good eyesight for, anyway?"

"Actually," said Sir Roderick, "we're here to slay a dragon."

"I don't see why you're here to do that," said Anastasia. "It's not like a dragon ever stole anything from my vegetable garden. Rabbits, on the other hand --"

"Enough with the rabbits, Ana," said Leandro. "Why don't you go check on the kitchen staff? I expect our guests will be quite hungry after they unpack their stuff."

Anastasia just sighed and walked off in a direction that seemed to lead toward a kitchen.

Buffy just looked around and said, "Is there really a dragon around here?"

"Why, yes, there is," said Leandro.

"But he wouldn't attack in the middle of a rainstorm, would he?" asked Buffy.

"I don't think so," said Leandro. "Please don't tell me that a brave dragonslayer like yourself is afraid of a little rain."

"Well, actually..." said Buffy.

Just then Anastasia returned. "Dinner is almost ready. I trust you all have changed your mind about hunting rabbits."

"Leave them alone, Ana," said Leandro. "It's not lucky to harass a dragon slayer and her staff."

"Staff?" asked Sir Roderick. "You mean you think we're her servants?"

"Well, aren't you?" said Anastasia. "After all, she does all the work. Granted, it must be exhausting for her to be always stripping down in the center of a village and pulling a sword out of her womb but still -- "

"You think I do what?" asked Buffy. "Where did you get the idea that I do anything like that?"

"That's what all the stories say," said Anastasia with a shrug.

"Well, the stories are wrong," said Buffy.

Part Two

"Look at all the people, Stake!" said Messalina as she watched the new arrivals at the Violet Moon from the safety of the second floor. "Why do you suppose they're all here?"

"Not to hunt bloody rabbits, that's for certain!" said Stake, still missing the days when he wore a black toga -- though the black leather coat he currently wore was no mean substitute. "My guess would be that they're all here to kill the local dragon."

"Aww!" said Messalina. "I kinda liked that dragon. It always looks so cute when it chases the local villagers. So which one do you think is the Slayer?"

"My guess would be the blonde," said Stake.

"Oh, right," said Messalina. "You like blondes, don't you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Stake.

"Why don't you think it's the redhead?" asked Messalina.

"Because that girl is obviously Jewish and the Watchers Council rarely uses Jewish girls as their Slayers," said Stake. "Not even half-Jewish girls."

"I knew a Jewish girl once," said Messalina. "I used to meet her outside the convent where I was preparing to be a nun. For the longest time, she was my only friend and we got along way better than I ever got along with any of the other would-be nuns. So naturally after Damon gave me the Dark Gift, she was the first girl that I killed."

At this point, Messalina's eyes went vacant and Stake could not tell whether she was reliving a happy memory or a not so happy memory. Not that it mattered much with Mess.

"Oh, Damon again," said Stake. "I thought you moved on from him."

"Well, he is a hard person to get over," said Messalina. "First he killed my friends, then he killed my family, then he killed all the other nuns, then he killed their friends and families and finally he killed me. But then the Gypsies cursed him and gave him back his soul so I guess that showed him."

"Anyway, it looks like it's going to rain outside so it's not likely she'll be fighting the dragon tonight," said Stake.

"You really think so?" said Messalina. "Because I saw a Slayer fight a dragon during a rainstorm once. She was a blackamoor. What was her name? Oh, yes... Niccola Wood. She was such a pretty thing."

At this point Messalina's eyes went vacant again. "She also had a lovely voice. She screamed so beautifully when she went up in flames. I don't suppose history is likely to repeat itself, is it?"

Part Three

As Buffy, Laurel and Sir Roderick entered the Violet Moon, they were enticed by the sound of a lute playing in a nearby room.

"Oh, cool," said Laurel. "They have a minstrel."

"Not just a minstrel," said Anastasia. "We have the great Australis, Aus for short. He plays here all the time -- except for nights of the full moon. For some reason, we can never get him to work on those nights."

Buffy could not help drifting in the direction of the music. She did not hear such music too often in her line of work and given all her current worries, she welcomed the chance to drown herself in the work of a master minstrel.

At least she did until she realized what she was listening to.

"Eighty men died and eighty men fried!" sang the minstrel. "Now their ashes are buried on the countryside. Ten, twenty, fifty or more. The bloody red dragon kept rolling up the score. Eighty men died trying to kill that freak. The bloody red dragon of Coven -- "

"You're playing that song?!" exclaimed Buffy.

"Hey!" said the redheaded minstrel who called himself Australis. "What's wrong with that song? I get more requests for that tune than for any other song that I play."

"'Rover vs. the Red Dragon' is not the type of song I want to listen to tonight," said Buffy.

"Why not?" asked Australis. "Don't you like songs about dragon slayers?"

"Hello," said Buffy. "I am a dragon slayer. But that song about some dog fighting a dragon -- "

"Hey!" exclaimed Australis. "For all you know, it might have actually happened that way."

"But it didn't," said Buffy.

"Well, at least folks around here find it entertaining," said Australis.

"Folks around here aren't going to be fighting a dragon tomorrow," said Buffy. "Don't you have any tunes that aren't dragon-related?"

"I'm guessing 'Sympathy for the Dragon' and 'Pfft the Magic Dragon' are out of the question," said Australis.

"Yes, they are," said Buffy.

"In that case, let's see... 'Play with Fire', 'Light My Fire', 'Ring of Fire', 'I'm on Fire', 'We Didn't Start the Fir --'"

"Don't you have any songs that aren't fire-related?" asked Buffy.

"Sure," said Australis. "'Momma I Just Killed a Man'."

"No," said Buffy. "I mean something's that more upbeat."

"Well, there's always the classic tune 'Here We Are Now, Entertain Us'," said Australis.

"That sounds cheerful," said Buffy. "Play that one."

To be continued...